My First Book ‘Gangster Paradise’

book cover

I remember a book of poems & stories I wrote from the age of 12-16 where I spoke on my first relationships, pain, losing friends & family at a young age.  I called it “Idle Life” and when I got expelled from High School I left the floppy disk in my favourite teacher’s cubby and never heard about it again.

Now as a grown woman at the age of 26 with 3 children in my lifetime I’ve faced a strange path.  I would cry at my young age with depression and can’t really remember being happy as a child.  Facing abuse for a majority of my youth along with aspects of ‘hustling’ from a very early age, homelessness, and then living on my own since the age of 15. By the time I had my first daughter at age 20 I was an overbearing mother.

I was in a sort of dissonance like a deep sleep retaining my environment, any knowledge I could find, music, and whatever else could carry me through. Just going through the motions not looking forward to the future.

I started to wake up around the age 24, noticing that I created comfort in abnormalities that were toxic, and revolving my existence around a partner that wasn’t meant for me. I wrote a Vision Book & started journaling around the moon phases.  Collecting thoughts, setting affirmations, and finding solace in solitude. Once I reached a peak of challenges from my decisions made out of stubbornness which I’ll share in a later conversation I decided enough was enough I recalibrated myself to only focus on creating.

I reviewed my Vision Book in 2016 and said I have these hopes & dreams I cannot attain because I haven’t built an infrastructure.  Recurring challenges caused me to channel those difficulties into Poems & Art.

With over 50+ paintings in my current inventory and over 100 painted just in 2017. Among the visual accomplishments I steady wrote to clear my mind.  It wasn’t until I was brought to “When Brothers Speak” hosted by Dwayne Morgan by my good friend Reesee Ziggazagga that I thought of piecing together all of my poems into a book.  Now I have that exact infrastructure I prayed for & it’s only up from here.

Birthing ‘Gangster Paradise’

Within 48 obsessive hours I put together this E-Book that will soon manifest in a physical copy with 65 poems across 90 pages.  The chapters break down like this:

  1. Introduction: Down In The Delta
  2. The Fog That Sweeps Over Meadows
  3. Coconut Oil & Thoughts Of You
  4. The Shelter of Helter Skelter
  5. Raine Drops In the Summertime & Rivers Blue as The Sky
  6. Secrets of The Cabal, Street Law

‘Down in The Delta’ opens up the story in the sense of my unconsciousness & living life in pilot-mode.  Leading into the first chapter ‘The Fog That Sweeps Over Meadows’ which chases my thoughts of the esoteric & spiritual world.

‘Coconut Oil & Thoughts of You’ is a chapter of love, sexuality, freedom, and fun.  Followed by a more serious topic ‘Shelter of Helter Skelter’ which has poems some I even wrote in the brink of conflict & abuse so it has rawness of my emotions & thoughts.

Then comes ‘Raine Drops In The Summertime & Rivers Blue as The Sky’ is about my daughters that have shaped me as a human being.

The last chapter is called ‘Secrets of The Cabal, Street Law’ which is about a gangster life & my less gentle side.

This book has been one of my most fun accomplishments & I can’t wait to take it to the next level.

(Available for purchase here)

 

Regenesis To Flex On Ya Nemesis #AmethystList

Amethyst List

“Sit back while I get my shit back and tell these niggas that it’s showtime, It’s Go Time” T Pain -‘Who Died’

Here is a list that’s dedicated to a particular mood.  Confidence.

You got someone doubting what you’re sure of?  Don’t even watch that.

Become so unconditional in your self-validation that you can’t be swayed by what feels right to you.

Like all Amethyst Lists this one is shuffle-friendly but is built in a particular order to match the theme.

Heres the list of songs:

  • Who Died
  • Man Listen
  • Bali
  • Crumbs
  • 20 Min
  • Say Less
  • 2 Fine
  • Fever
  • Same Ol’ Mistakes
  • Pineapple Skies
  • So Am I

Now let’s get into the synopsis if you just want to listen here you go.  For the lovers of music come along this musical story.

Now confidence comes in many forms & serves you in several worlds.  This song here “Who Died” off of T Pain’s ‘Oblivion’ is the greatest comeback song to be the first track on the album and defines Comeback Confidence.  With lyrics quotable for days here’s my favourite. 

‘Now these niggas busy trynna erase all that, ain’t that a bitch?
I did everything for the culture at gun point, with the mask off
But I ain’t cry about it, I ain’t lie about it I just kept working my ass off
Now all of a sudden everybody figured out what I was sayin’ back in ’05
The whip ain’t shit if the nigga in the driver seat ain’t got no drive’

This falls right into Belly’s track “Man Listen” and man listen Belly is the perfect display of comeback confidence and knowing your talent & ability to manifest anything you wish.  A couple million make you stand different. They dropped the ball & so I ran with it.’

Now we keep the theme XO with my favourite new duo 88GLAM’s “Bali”.  Walking pass my ex now she jealous.’  Blends right into “Crumbs” by DRAM & Playboi Carti.  The beat is hard & is a really great reply to those who never checked for you wanting some bread you just tell em ‘all I got is crumbs for you.’

Switching the feel with a more upbeat tempo is a Lil Uzi Vert track off his Luv is Rage 2 Deluxe version called “20 Min” followed up with Roy Woods’ new single “Say Less” these two musicians exude Creative confidence. I found myself in my youth, time I spent in the booth.’

Then we have T Pain back at it with my favourite off his album “2 Fine” and is self explanatory.

Now we hit the switch on a Love confidence with the legend Saukrates singing “Fever” his classic raps bring me back every time.  Love is a funny thing though it can have you making the “Same Ol’ Mistakes” but when you got a Rihanna mindset the bounce back will have you singing ‘I feel like a brand new person but you make the same old mistakes but I don’t care, I’m in Love.’

Miguel gives us some sexual healing Marvin Gaye vibes ‘promise everything gonna be alright, got altitude no storm clouds’ with “Pineapple Skies” matching the tropical sounds of Ty Dolla Sign’s “So Am I” featuring Damian Marley & Skrillex.  This is my favourite off of ‘Beach House 3.’

Now you got it all down pat take a listen here on Apple Music & don’t forget to follow my Apple Music profile.