I remember a book of poems & stories I wrote from the age of 12-16 where I spoke on my first relationships, pain, losing friends & family at a young age. I called it “Idle Life” and when I got expelled from High School I left the floppy disk in my favourite teacher’s cubby and never heard about it again.
Now as a grown woman at the age of 26 with 3 children in my lifetime I’ve faced a strange path. I would cry at my young age with depression and can’t really remember being happy as a child. Facing abuse for a majority of my youth along with aspects of ‘hustling’ from a very early age, homelessness, and then living on my own since the age of 15. By the time I had my first daughter at age 20 I was an overbearing mother.
I was in a sort of dissonance like a deep sleep retaining my environment, any knowledge I could find, music, and whatever else could carry me through. Just going through the motions not looking forward to the future.
I started to wake up around the age 24, noticing that I created comfort in abnormalities that were toxic, and revolving my existence around a partner that wasn’t meant for me. I wrote a Vision Book & started journaling around the moon phases. Collecting thoughts, setting affirmations, and finding solace in solitude. Once I reached a peak of challenges from my decisions made out of stubbornness which I’ll share in a later conversation I decided enough was enough I recalibrated myself to only focus on creating.
I reviewed my Vision Book in 2016 and said I have these hopes & dreams I cannot attain because I haven’t built an infrastructure. Recurring challenges caused me to channel those difficulties into Poems & Art.
With over 50+ paintings in my current inventory and over 100 painted just in 2017. Among the visual accomplishments I steady wrote to clear my mind. It wasn’t until I was brought to “When Brothers Speak” hosted by Dwayne Morgan by my good friend Reesee Ziggazagga that I thought of piecing together all of my poems into a book. Now I have that exact infrastructure I prayed for & it’s only up from here.
Birthing ‘Gangster Paradise’
Within 48 obsessive hours I put together this E-Book that will soon manifest in a physical copy with 65 poems across 90 pages. The chapters break down like this:
- Introduction: Down In The Delta
- The Fog That Sweeps Over Meadows
- Coconut Oil & Thoughts Of You
- The Shelter of Helter Skelter
- Raine Drops In the Summertime & Rivers Blue as The Sky
- Secrets of The Cabal, Street Law
‘Down in The Delta’ opens up the story in the sense of my unconsciousness & living life in pilot-mode. Leading into the first chapter ‘The Fog That Sweeps Over Meadows’ which chases my thoughts of the esoteric & spiritual world.
‘Coconut Oil & Thoughts of You’ is a chapter of love, sexuality, freedom, and fun. Followed by a more serious topic ‘Shelter of Helter Skelter’ which has poems some I even wrote in the brink of conflict & abuse so it has rawness of my emotions & thoughts.
Then comes ‘Raine Drops In The Summertime & Rivers Blue as The Sky’ is about my daughters that have shaped me as a human being.
The last chapter is called ‘Secrets of The Cabal, Street Law’ which is about a gangster life & my less gentle side.
This book has been one of my most fun accomplishments & I can’t wait to take it to the next level.
(Available for purchase here)